


three places

by shsl_satan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Also emotions., Basically a clusterfuck, Brief Kankri mention, Homophobia, M/M, Murder technically, Sadstuck, Something like that., The use of 'faggot' as a slur, Yeah lmao, childhood fears, warning for character death, with a hopeful ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 01:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9855980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shsl_satan/pseuds/shsl_satan
Summary: the library.the museum.the zoo.three places you can never visit again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written entirely in 2nd person. i really like this perspective lately lmao.
> 
> but i was rifling through saved emails and i found my 150 prompts list and this one struck me hard. maybe i'll go back and do others, but for now, have the 'library, museum, and zoo' prompt.
> 
> enjoy.

_The library, the museum, the zoo._

Three places you can never visit again.

Some might call you crazy, others sentimental. But you're damn sure that without his rounded, irritated face, you can't ever visit those places without tearing up, as unironic as that is. Your body reacts immediately, seizing up and producing tears the size of god damn fucking quarters.

Karkat **fucking** Vantas made you this way.

Back in middle school, whenever you two had a project together; you sat in the library, beneath the window in the round-about with a pile of books in your hands and both of your computers; mostly whisper-arguing about how ironic it is that this president or that president had like, assassinations done to them and how awkwardly similar they were. (For clarity, you remember distinctly it was Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.)

And then you remember his angry tirade about how it was simple coincidence despite you saying it If it weren't for Rose and Kanaya's interference, you two would never get your projects done.

You decided, then, that his anger was his best trait.

In the early high school days, you hear a label being flung around. Normally you're too cool for labels, but this one strikes you. 'Faggot', 'gaylord' - shit like that. And it's always thrown at your best friend. Karkat fucking Vantas. He ignores it well for the most part, offering a flip of the finger or a few choice words in return.

But you can't.  
For some reason, it strikes terror into you.

You remember the one time your bro, a cool as fuck dude who loves irony as much as you, came home covered in bruises and cuts. You remember your dad freaking out, you remember mom crying over 'her baby' being hurt. But most of all, you remember that one boy.

Jake English, was it?

Yeah, that motherfucker.

He was standing there, just as bruised and battered as Dirk, your bro. You remember his words when your father asked what happened.

"They beat us up for being fags, they said."

Dirk was never exactly in the closet, and you never understood the implications that that meant. He was dating Jake, who by all means was a pretty cool dude too (not as cool as your bro, Dirk, of course). But to be beaten up over a _word_...

**_It struck a fear in you._ **

Your bro was amazing, couldn't be beaten at literally anything. From that day on, the mere mention of homosexuality made you freeze up. You didn't mind seeing it, didn't mind seeing gay couples. That was cute as shit you know? But hearing the word 'gay', hearing 'faggot' - it terrified you.

Karkat understood this after hearing your rambled explanation.

Karkat was always understanding. In touch with his emotions, Rose would put it. Fat chance, the kid was angrier than angry could be. But it was fucking amazing how caring he could be underneath all that rage. You think, now, that this is why you were best friends. He understood you. Completely. He understood your irony, he understood your coolness.

He understood your fears.

It was a high school field trip to the Museum of Natural History that made you think 'oh shit, I like my best friend unironically'. Your buddy-system partner just so happened to be said best motherfucking friend, who prattled on behind their teacher's back on how half of their information about the exhibits were wrong and how stupid they fucking were, which kept you grinning the entire time.

Your best friend was a short fuck, standing at like four foot nine to your five foot eleven - and both of you were still growing. His grip on your sleeve was tight, just cementing the fact that it was so he couldn't get lost.

You found yourself eventually just sliding the grip to your hand. The two of you had held hands before, purely platonically. But this one felt... Right. As if platonics didn't exist.

You remember seeing him actually fucking smile at that for a brief moment before your teacher fucked up another exhibit, sending him on another quiet tirade that had you snickering to yourself.

It was a senior trip to the zoo that kickstarted it all.

You remember the buddy-system bullshit still being in place, but you also got to roam freely. So, you and Karkat met up at the aquarium part of the zoo with Feferi and Eridan. Those two really loved fish, and Karkat had a thing for crustaceans - so you didn't mind. You learned a lot from the fish-lovers. Karkat and you held hands the entire time, feeling completely at home; until something cut through the din of enjoyment.

"Oh look, two little faggots."

You froze in place, the terror creeping back into you. Karkat would immediately rise his hackles; defending you as usual. He was always amazing at that.

"Shut the fuck up, titsucker. Leave us the fuck alone."

"Or what, gonna cry to your boyfriend later?"

"Fuck off, seriously! We're just here enjoying fucking fish."

It was Eridan who successfully shut them up, and for once you couldn't be angry at him flaunting his money.

"If you don't stop, I'll be forced to get my father involved. I don't think you want Mister Ampora involved, do you?"

The assholes backed off rather quickly, and you never heard from them again for the rest of the day.

Karkat was careful not to hold your hand.  
And you missed that warmth.

It was another trip at the library for the summer between you two that made the disasterous end-of-year zoo trip worth it.

"Hey. Fuckass. Are you listening?"

No, no you weren't - you were staring at Karkat's fucking stupidly good face.

"Obviously not."

You snicker a little, rolling over onto your stomach.

"What's up, Vantas?"

"I was just. Thinking."

"About what? Shucks, Vantas, I'm all ears for whatever rant you've got spilling from those lips of your's."

"Fuck off Strider, it's not a rant."

"Then what is it?"

He seemed to hesitate; but you had a strange feeling you knew what it was about. So you lifted yourself up and closed the distance between you both, kissing him in that little round about of the library. You were both glad the shades were drawn on the window, because it turned into a rather disgustingly sweet make out on the damn bench that was only ended when neither of you could breathe anymore.

You both left the library that day, hand in hand.

You two revisited the museum for your first date, Karkat rambling on and on about certain exhibits and you shutting him up in between certain ones with a kiss or a squeeze of the hand. For lunch you both went to your favorite cafe and you spoiled him endlessly. You remember returning home to your bro, who was laying against Jake's lap asleep; only to see Jake smile at you.

You wave, going up to your room.

You can remember, quite vividly, your last date. You both went to the zoo, ducking into the aquarium area that no one visited anymore except you and him. Against the fish tank for cuttlefish, you got a moment to kiss; Karkat's arms around your neck. You hold him close, letting him tell you all about whatever species of crab you see.

It takes one statement to break him off of you in a rage.

"What's up, faggots? Rich boy Ampora ain't here this time."

It's the same two assholes from before, their words sending a strike of fear into your heart again. Karkat is immediately enraged; snarling. But you know he's no physical match for these two assholes.

"What the fuck do you want with our lives? Just leave us the fuck alone, we didn't do shit to you motherfuckers!"

"Your existence is enough to disgust me."

When one of them grabs Karkat, pulling his small body off the ground; you don't know what compells you to, but you throw the first punch. A bad move, but you're defending the only fucking good in this world.

"Fuck! The blond one's got a mean left hook."

The entire thing devolves into a scuffle, both you and Karkat throwing punches and kicks to try and knock sense into those two to leave you alone. It's the flash of silver that makes you scream.

"Karkat, no -"

But you're too late.  
And you'd give anything to turn back time.

A knife winds up in Karkat's stomach, yanked out without finesse. The two leave, covered in both of your blood and their own. Zoo security immediately apprehends them; and you're running out of the aquarium, screaming for help while carrying Karkat's body.

By time you get to the hospital, it's too late.

You remember screaming at them to do something, literally ANYTHING to save Karkat. But there was too much damage from one fucking knife, too much blood loss, and you didn't make it in time. The only good in your world was wrenched away, and you can't even bring yourself to look at his body one last time.

You vaguely remember the court proceedings, bitterly hashing out what had happened. You remember the sentence for their assault and murder. But it'll never be long enough to you. No, nothing would bring Karkat back, and putting the killers in jail would only remind you of that fact.

Karkat fucking Vantas was dead.

You remember the funeral. You're the only one who didn't cry. You were too numb. Too shellshocked. Kankri, Karkat's brother, screamed at you when you told him the news, telling you to stop lying. But now, he clung to your shoulder; screaming at the world to give him back his baby brother.

And all you could do was stand there as they lowered the fucking coffin.

You can't even visit his grave.

You remember all these memories vividly, staring at the dark stain in the aquarium halls that was once Karkat's blood. It was cleaned, but the dark stain from time passed will always remind you of that day.

"Mommy? Why is mister crying?"

"I don't know, sweetie."

You are brought to your senses when the same little girl that spoke walks right over to you, hopping graciously over the dark stain on the floor. "Mister! Here!"

She's holding out her stuffed toy - a crab. A fucking crab. You blink away the tears, looking at her from under your shades.

"Mister? You can have this. Maybe it'll cheer you up! You shouldn't be sad, mister."

She reminds you so much of fucking Karkat that you take the damned toy at her repeated insistence.

"... Thanks, kid."

She grins a big, gapped-tooth smile; looking proud of herself. "You're welcome mister! And my name isn't kid! It's Katarina!"

Katarina.  
You remember that.

Her mother bustles over, apologizing for her and picking her up. You try to give back the toy to her mother; but the girl pouts and insists that you take it again.

So you do.

You wave goodbye to Katarina, you go home and put the damned crab toy right on your bed.

It won't bring Karkat back.  
But at least it's a good memory.

And maybe, just maybe, you think you can move on. You won't ever care for another like you did for Karkat fucking Vantas. You know that much. But maybe you can heal.

You wake up from a nap to find the crab toy in your arms, tear-stained. And you can't help but smile at it.


End file.
